Inside the mind of David Moyes (Pun-Definitely Intended!)

Hi, I am David Moyes. Last summer, I took over at the Theatre of Dreams. My predecessor had warned me that the job comes with a few heart attacks as the season goes on, but, you always achieve ecstasy at the end. I strongly beg to differ.

Firstly, the cameras never leave me alone. Their glare is so much; I might need to visit the optician Sir Alex recommended. Secondly, the job description stated ‘late goals’, it never mentioned we shall be conceding it. Third, it said, buy the best player from another premier league club and you will win the title. WRONG. I bought Fellaini and Jose gave me Mata, and there is not even a league cup in sight! Fourth, I have searched all across Carrington, but apparently SAF took away all the chewing gums as a retirement gift. I was told, in the chewing gum lies the secret spell to intimidate referees. Fifth, I was given the impression that Anderson can run, Young can cross…LIE, all I have seen is Young slip and Ando eat.

Now, as I am about to complete a year on the job, I have to watch as a man who relegated his previous club - is taking my previous club to the Champions League! And worst the perch that was supposed to be mine is being given back to Liverpool. And seriously, what is with the planes flying over my head, a simple SMS would do just fine. Add to that the FA giving me a tough start to the season wasn’t enough, that UEFA are gift-wrapping Bayern and sending them to Old Trafford.

My dream job is turning into the perfect nightmare. Lady Luck, if you can hear me, I need every bit of you ASAP.

P.S:

For the record, I am a David Moyes supporter and genuinely believe the man will get it right at Manchester United. This blog is meant for us United fans to have a laugh at ourselves, after all, there is only so much moaning you can do – when you are down!