Hi, I am David Moyes. Last summer, I took over at the Theatre of Dreams. My predecessor had warned me that the job comes with a few heart attacks as the season goes on, but, you always achieve ecstasy at the end. I strongly beg to differ. Firstly, the cameras never leave me alone. Their glare is so much; I might need to visit the optician Sir Alex recommended. Secondly, the job description stated ‘late goals’, it never mentioned we shall be conceding it. Third, it said, buy the best player from another premier league club and you will win the title. WRONG. I bought Fellaini and Jose gave me Mata, and there is not even a league cup in sight! Fourth, I have searched all across Carrington, but apparently SAF took away all the chewing gums as a retirement gift. I was told, in the chewing gum lies the secret spell to intimidate referees. Fifth, I was given the impression that Anderson can run, Young can cross…LIE, all I have seen is Young slip and Ando eat. Now, as I am about to comple...